


Burning Love

by sunsetmog



Category: Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - High School, Bandom - Freeform, Bandslash, High School, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-11-15
Updated: 2009-11-15
Packaged: 2017-10-02 20:20:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,850
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10293
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunsetmog/pseuds/sunsetmog
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He says, "I think I might like boys. That's a stupid reason to freak out, right?"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Burning Love

**Author's Note:**

> Title: **Burning Love**  
> Author: [](http://sunsetmog.livejournal.com/profile)[**sunsetmog**](http://sunsetmog.livejournal.com/)
> 
> Fandom: Panic! at the Disco  
> Pairing: Brendon Urie / Spencer Smith  
> Rating: PG-13  
> Word count: ~2,800
> 
> For [](http://ashlein.livejournal.com/profile)[**ashlein**](http://ashlein.livejournal.com/). ♥
> 
> Beta by [](http://harriet-vane.livejournal.com/profile)[**harriet_vane**](http://harriet-vane.livejournal.com/) and [](http://insunshine.livejournal.com/profile)[**insunshine**](http://insunshine.livejournal.com/). Thank you! As always, any remaning errors are entirely down to me.
> 
> Vaguely contrived to fill a square on my completely unofficial cliche bingo card, as compiled for me by [](http://harriet-vane.livejournal.com/profile)[**harriet_vane**](http://harriet-vane.livejournal.com/). Prompt: High School/College AU.
> 
> Title from the Elvis song of the same name.
> 
> High School era AU, in which Brendon hasn't ever auditioned for Panic. Spencer meets Brendon when he's stuck playing triangle at Jeffrey and Ada's fiftieth wedding anniversary party.
> 
> This story was originally posted at my livejournal, [here](http://sunsetmog-fics.livejournal.com/43898.html).

Spencer freaks out in the middle of math class, right after Mr. Jones asks him to write the quadratic equation on the board.

It isn't his finest moment.

*

He sits with his Guidance Counselor for what seems like _hours_ before she finally leans forward and props her elbows on her desk. "Spencer," she says, "Come on. I wasn't born yesterday. You getting upset in class has to come from _somewhere_. Why don't you tell me, and then I might be able to help. I'm pretty good at that, you know. I even have a degree to prove it."

Spencer plans to say, _it's nothing, I'm okay, just let me go back to class_. He says, "I think I might like boys. That's a stupid reason to freak out, right?"

*

Being a guinea pig for his school's Big Brother and Sister College Mentoring Program totally sucks. It's lame and stupid and Spencer is too busy to meet with his Big Sister twice a week. He doesn't care that Lisa is a student at the community college, that she's a musician, that his Guidance Counselor has _obviously_ picked her out because she's a lesbian and can talk to Spencer about his stupid sexuality crisis. He can stress about it on his own, he doesn't need to talk to some girl he doesn't even know about how he thinks he wants to kiss boys instead of girls.

Still, it's kind of mandatory if Spencer wants to graduate with his class, so.

*

It turns out Lisa is kind of okay. He meets her at the music center on campus after she rehearses with her singing group. They sing covers, sometimes a capella, sometimes not. They make money by playing school functions and at the occasional anniversary or birthday party. They're pretty good, Spencer has to admit, and it turns out meeting with Lisa is less about whether Spencer wants to put his dick in a girl or a guy, and more about what music they both like. She gives him advice about college, like how to check out the second hand stores, and not leaving it until the last minute to buy the books for his classes.

They've met three times and Spencer hasn't even _mentioned_ his giant freak out, or the whole liking guys thing. Spencer's beginning to think something's up.

"My Guidance Counselor did tell you, right?" Spencer says, finally. "How I freaked out in math? About the whole liking guys thing?"

Lisa shrugs. "Yeah," she says. "Do you want to talk about it yet? We don't have to, I mean, you're hanging out with someone who knows you might be gay, and not freaking out. That's a good thing, right?"

Spencer doesn't say anything for a while. "Sure," he says. "Gay, huh?"

Lisa smiles, and waits a moment. "Do you want to go and get a coffee?"

Spencer swallows, and nods.

*

"Hey," Lisa says. "Are you free this weekend? I've got a triangle that desperately needs playing."

Which is how Spencer ends up playing percussion at Ada and Jeffrey's fiftieth wedding anniversary party on Saturday night, and how he notices the cute guy who keeps wandering back and forth across the back of the hall, laden down with tablecloths or handfuls of place cards or napkins.

Lisa rolls her eyes. "Go talk to him, go on. Don't be an idiot."

Spencer rolls his eyes right back, and dumps his tambourine in her lap.

*

"Hey," Spencer says, "Do you need a hand with that?"

"Sure," the guy says, shooting Spencer a helpless smile. They end up swapping the tablecloths on all the tables at the back of the room, for reasons that Spencer can't figure out. He doesn't even try. After they've fixed the final tablecloth, Spencer says, "I'm Spencer. Uh. You want to get a drink or something?"

"Brendon," the guy says. "Sure?"

They sneak out of the party and sit outside on the steps. They drink juice and Spencer thinks that this is kind of _great_. Brendon is actually a guest at the party, but he doesn't really know anyone so he's helping his mom out with the organisation. Ada and Jeffrey are old family friends, or something. Spencer doesn't care much.

Spencer explains how he's helping Lisa out for the evening, and Brendon says, "I work at the Smoothie Hut. I'm pretty sure making music is about a million times better than that."

"I don't know," Spencer says. "The Smoothie Hut in the mall? The one by the store with the really cool sneakers?"

"I'd love to play music like that," Brendon says. And, "Yeah, that store has the _coolest_ shoes."

Huh, Spencer thinks, and forgets to ask Brendon for his phone number before he has to go back and play the triangle for Lisa.

*

The next weekend, Spencer blows Ryan off and goes to the Smoothie Hut with his homework in his backpack. He sits in the corner and waves at Brendon and pretends like this is completely normal.

Brendon comes over when he's on his break, and says, "Wow, this is a cool coincidence."

Spencer just nods, because this is the most contrived coincidence he's been a part of, like, ever, and then he tugs out a chair and makes Brendon sit down. They talk for the rest of Brendon's break, and Spencer _still_ doesn't ask for his cell phone number, and afterward he feels kind of stupid.

He works out when Brendon's going to be working the next weekend, though.

*

Spencer turns up twenty minutes before the end of Brendon's shift. He slurps obnoxiously at his smoothie and when Brendon comes over to talk, he says, "I hate shopping. When you finish, want to keep me company?"

Brendon comes shopping with him, and they have fun picking out t-shirts. Brendon buys a new hoodie and they sing along to Blink-182 in the music store, and Spencer says, "Wow, you're good, you have to meet my friend Ryan."

Brendon startles a little, but Spencer pretends he doesn't notice, and when he can't fake the need to shop anymore, he says, "Okay, so you have to give me your number, because that was fun and we should do it again."

He goes home with Brendon's number.

*

Spencer arranges his next meeting with Lisa at the Smoothie Hut, and Lisa rolls her eyes and says she's pretty sure that the point of this Big Sister Program is not to hook Spencer up.

Spencer rolls _his_ eyes and says that she's supposed to be helping him with his sexuality crisis, and he's pretty sure crushing on Brendon is a surefire way of figuring _that_ whole thing out.

Lisa just laughs, and sits back when Brendon comes over and wipes their table, like, three times. Spencer hangs around afterwards, and Brendon says, "So, is she your girlfriend?" Spencer tries not to choke on the icy remains of his smoothie.

"She's in college," he says.

"Well, you're totally awesome," Brendon says. "You could have a college girlfriend."

Spencer blinks, and says, "I'd rather have a college boyfriend."

Brendon blushes bright red and mumbles something into his shirt and then disappears behind the counter and doesn't look up again until Spencer leaves.

Huh, Spencer thinks, and feels sad.

*

"Fuck this shit," Lisa says, when Spencer looks morose at their next meeting. "From now on, we're meeting twice a week, at the Smoothie Hut. What's Brendon's schedule?"

Spencer rolls his eyes. "I thought the point of this wasn't to hook me up?"

Lisa rolls _her_ eyes. "I'm pretty sure you're not the only one having a sexuality crisis," she points out, and Spencer tries not to feel stupidly happy about that, "so I'm doing you both a favor. Shut up and stop complaining."

Spencer shuts up.

*

Brendon blushes bright red the next time he sees Spencer, ducking his head and messing up the order he's working on.

Spencer thinks that Lisa might be right.

*

After Lisa leaves, Spencer hangs around in a kind of pointed and obvious manner until Brendon stops ignoring him.

"Uh," Brendon says.

"I sort of think I might be gay," Spencer says, conversationally, "and I kind of freaked out in the middle of my math class, so my Guidance Counselor hooked me up with the Big Sister program and now I have to meet with Lisa twice a week to talk things through. I used to think it was kind of lame, but actually she's pretty neat and lends me CDs, so."

"Uh," Brendon says, again.

"You know what would be awesome?" Spencer goes on. "If you didn't stop being friends with me because I was freaking out about wanting to kiss boys. Any chance of that?"

Brendon looks kind of guilty. "Sorry," he says. "I, uh. I've never met anyone who was gay before."

"Me neither," Spencer says. "Apart from Lisa, and she likes girls, so we're kind of on a different page, anyway."

Brendon looks like he might agree, but he doesn't say anything.

Spencer counts it as a win.

*

"So," Brendon says, the next time they're out together. They're flicking through CDs in the music store. "Kissing boys, huh."

Spencer shrugs. "Yeah, I guess," he says, because it's not like he's done that. Mostly he's just thought about it a lot. He thinks about Brendon a lot, too.

"Is it, uh. Good?"

Spencer shrugs again. "Don't know. Haven't done it yet."

"Oh," Brendon says, but he looks puzzled.

Spencer doesn't even _try_ and figure that one out. One person's sexuality crisis is enough to bear, he thinks.

*

"My parents want you to come over," Brendon says, rushing over in between customers. "You want to?"

"Is it going to be weird?" Spencer asks, because, well. Brendon's kind of weird. Sweet and hot, but weird.

"Probably," Brendon says.

"Uh," Spencer says. "Okay."

"Awesome," Brendon says, and he smiles so brightly at Spencer that Spencer can't help but smile back.

Lisa rolls her eyes.

*

"So," Brendon says, after they've eaten dinner with Brendon's family, and they're sprawled across Brendon's bed. "How did you, uh, figure out you wanted to, uh, kiss boys?"

Spencer shrugs. "Don't know," he says. "Just did."

"Oh," Brendon says.

They stare at the ceiling for a while. Spencer thinks about kissing Brendon.

"How is it even possible that no one's kissed you?" Brendon blurts out, after a minute. "Because, like, you're totally awesome, so there must be lots of guys wanting to kiss you."

Spencer tries not to move. "Uh," he says. "No."

"Oh," Brendon says, again.

*

Brendon calls him up late in the evening, on a school night. Spencer ducks his phone under the covers so his mom and dad won't hear.

"What would you say," Brendon says, really quickly, "If I told you that maybe I'd thought about, uh, boys, too?"

Spencer feels very, very warm under the covers all of a sudden. "That'd be cool," he says, after a moment of grinning very hard to himself.

"I never told anyone before," Brendon says, all in a rush. "You won't tell anyone, right?"

"No," Spencer says. "Promise."

"Good," Brendon says. He breathes quickly, and too loudly. "Bye."

"Bye," Spencer says, but Brendon's already gone.

*

"You didn't tell anyone, right?" Brendon says, before he says _hi_.

Spencer shakes his head. "I told my mom, though, about me."

Brendon looks worried. "Are you okay?"

Spencer shrugs. "Yeah," he says, although he's pretty sure that's a week he never wants to re-live.

"Good," Brendon says. "That's good."

Spencer nods, and Brendon gives him a free smoothie.

*

Brendon says, "I think he's hot, and he's hot, and I like him, and him, if he had different hair, and maybe that guy over there -"

Spencer wishes there were less people in the food court. He stabs at his noodles with his fork.

*

"I think I need to kiss a guy," Brendon says, hurrying over on his break. "We should find one for you, too."

Spencer feels all of a sudden very angry and very sad. "Oh," he says. "Sure, yes."

"Awesome," Brendon says. "You know any guys who want to kiss other guys?"

_One_, Spencer thinks. "No," he says, grumpily.

"Oh," Brendon says. He nods. "That sucks."

*

"Ah," Lisa says, when Brendon comes and sits down with them and tells Lisa they need to find someone for Spencer to make out with. "I see."

Spencer makes a noise in his throat and stares down at his drink.

Brendon just looks confused.

*

"So, tons of guys must want to kiss you," Brendon says, when they're sitting in the park early in the morning, before Brendon's shift. "You're so hot, they'd probably form a line or something."

Spencer thinks very angry thoughts.

"Like, there's probably a club," Brendon goes on. "A, 'I want to kiss Spencer Smith' club, with pins and membership cards and whatever."

Spencer gives up. "But you're not a member, right?" he says, grumpily. "You don't want a membership card. It's okay. I get it."

Brendon looks very, very confused. "What?"

"I have to go," Spencer says, and tries not to stomp off too obviously.

*

Spencer skips out on his next meeting with Lisa, sending her a lame text message way too late to be polite.

*

Spencer ignores Brendon's next call, and goes back to staring grumpily at his bedroom wall.

"Uh," Ryan says, staring down at Spencer's phone. "You have a voicemail."

Spencer narrows his eyes. "I don't care," he says. "He doesn't want a membership card."

"O-kay," Ryan says. "You maybe want to listen to it anyway? Pretend not to be a crazy person for a while?"

Spencer rolls his eyes and reaches for the phone.

Brendon's message says, "Oh my _god_, Spencer Smith, you are such an idiot, you have no idea. I'm the stupid club _president_, you dumb fuck. How could I want to kiss someone so _stupid_?"

"Uh," Spencer says, after he's listened to it three times, and let Ryan listen to it once on speakerphone.

Ryan raises an eyebrow. "I go away to college and you turn into the dumbest fucking fuck in Las Vegas, huh?"

"Shut up," Spencer says, petulantly. "Have you seen my car keys?"

*

Spencer goes over to Brendon's house and hangs around on the front step until Brendon's dad comes to the door.

"Hi," Spencer says.

"Sometimes," Brendon's dad says, "sometimes we ring the doorbell. It helps."

"Huh," Spencer says. "Is Brendon in?"

"You want to come inside?" Brendon's dad asks. "He's out with his mom. They won't be long."

"No," Spencer says, shaking his head. "It's okay. I'm good here."

"Awesome," Brendon's dad says. "Do you want a drink?"

"OJ, please," Spencer says, and sits down on Brendon's front step to wait.

*

"You're totally weird," Brendon says, after he's helped his mom in with the groceries.

"Uh-huh," Spencer says, standing up. "Do you want to go for a walk?"

Brendon looks unsure. "Are you going to act like a crazy person?"

"I don't know," Spencer says. "Are you going to pretend like you don't want to kiss me?"

Brendon shoots a cautious look back over Spencer's shoulder to where his parents are unpacking the groceries, loudly.

Spencer lowers his voice. "Well. Are you?"

"I don't know," Brendon says. "Are you going to pretend like you don't want to kiss _me_?"

Spencer considers it for a moment. "Probably not," he says.

"Good," Brendon says. "Wait a minute while I tell Mom and Dad we're leaving."

*

They sneak into the elementary school near to Brendon's house, and hang out behind the playhouse, near to the sandbox.

"So," Spencer says. "I like boys."

"Awesome," Brendon says. "I like _you_."

Spencer hums, in an embarrassed, hot kind of way.

"I'm a card-carrying founding member of the Spencer Smith Appreciation Society," Brendon goes on.

"That's kind of weird," Spencer says, because he'd like to direct attention away from the fact he's blushing.

"Shut up," Brendon says. "You love how weird I am."

"Uh," Spencer says. "Maybe. I guess."

*

"So," Ryan says. "Did you guys finally kiss?"

"Shut up," Spencer says. "No. Shut up."

"What," Ryan says, "you both just sat there and talked about it?"

"Shut _up_," Spencer says. "That's totally normal. We're building up to it."

Ryan narrows his eyes. "Are you freaking out again?"

Spencer waits a moment. "No," he says. He really isn't. "We're just being lame. No freak outs."

"Good," Ryan says. "Apart from the lame thing."

Spencer rolls his eyes and flops back on the bed.

*

His text message from Lisa says, _Soooo??????? howd it go?????_

Spencer buries his face in the pillow.

*

"Hi," Brendon says, breathlessly.

"Hi," Spencer says. He's still in his pajamas, because it's Saturday morning, and his parents are out with his sisters and he has the place to himself. "I thought you had to work."

"Switched shifts," Brendon says. "Is anyone else in?"

"No," Spencer says. "Just me."

"Awesome," Brendon says, and pushes Spencer back against the wall. "Nice PJs."

"Shut up," Spencer says.

"Make me," Brendon grins, and Spencer leans in to kiss him.

Brendon laughs against his mouth, and kisses him back.

 

__

FIN.

To comment on livejournal, please click [here](http://sunsetmog-fics.livejournal.com/43898.html?mode=reply).


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